No Sex Please: We're British

The farce, No Sex Please: We're British, opened in the West End in 1971, the film version appearing two years later. Although a lot of changes were made to the screen version, the basic story remained the same. Ronnie Corbett plays Brian Runnicles, a clerk at Barclays Bank, who mistakenly receives a delivery of pornography which was supposed to have been made to a nearby sex shop, rather than the expected new calculator. The parcel is opened upstairs in the flat above the bank, where the assistant bank manager, David Hunter (Ian Ogilvy) lives with his new wife Penny, (Susan Penhaligon). The rest of the film is taken up with the trio trying to get rid of this, and subsequent packages, in ever more ludicrous ways, whilst trying to avoid the bank manager himself, Arthur Lowe, and David's mother (Beryl Reid), both anti-smut campaigners. The films ends with a chase sequence featuring a nice collection of British motors tearing around Windsor in pursuit of the final box of magazines,carried by Brian on the back of Cheryl Hall's scooter.

The opening scenes sees Brian power-walking through Windsor on his way to the bank, negotiating lots of  contemporary traffic; that Volga estate is a rarity! 

A pre-Confessions Robin Asquith gets a sticky cameo

Barclays Bank, High Street, Windsor; it's odd that it wasn't renamed for the film, I bet they have a few  jokers through the door afterwards "Psst! want any porn?!"

Hello Brian, want a look in my in-tray?

The first consignment of porn is discovered.

Brian Wilde (of Porridge) confronts Brian in the park.

Guess what, you can'y get rid of mucky films down the waste disposal!

Brian tries to return a box of 'blue films' to the sex shop, one with apparently hardly any stock except for a few old copies of Parade magazine.

1001 Perversions; Susan Penhaligon looks suitably appalled.

Michael Bates played an accounts inspector, receiving the attentions of Margaret Nolan (left) and Valerie Leon 

Now it's Brian's turn.

In the 1970s, it was compulsory for TV crooks to drive old white Jags.........

A good old British car chase; Ian Ogilvy rides shotgun in the moggie

The chase is over and what is in the box? An enormous calculator.......

Although this is a moderately entertaining little film, with a fine roll-call of contemporary comic actors and a number of neat little set-pieces, there are times when you just wish they would dump the porn in someone's bin and be done with it, rather than try to bury it, throw it in the river or feed it down the waste disposal system! Forty years on, the whole premise does seem a little outdated and as a sex comedy, there is little to upset grandma, this being only a PG certificate. High points are the cars and the street scenes of Windsor, not to mention Valerie Leon and Margaret Nolan as a couple of call-girls and the rather lovely Cheryl Hall, one of the bank assistants who has taken a shine to our Brian. Available on DVD at the usual outlets................

Export Drive

A selection of adverts for British cars, culled from The Autocar magazine dated 1 November 1946. This appeared to be an issue aimed at attracting exports, hence many of the adverts were in full colour. Others were in black & white, including those for Rolls Royce and Bentley; perhaps they thought that they didn't have to try too hard!

Beehives and Petticoats

Three young ladies cavort in the countryside in the 1960s; since these pictures came from a magazine actually called Beehive Girls, the one on the left doesn't appear to be playing the game!

Two Big Blokes and a Bird (and a Jag)

Remember Fiona Richmond? In the 1970s, she was a model, an actress and also wrote all sorts of naughty books supposedly about her own sexual experiences, not to mention being the girlfriend of publisher and club owner Paul Raymond. Today she apparently owns and runs a couple of hotels. This picture comes from a 1976 issue of Spick magazine, photographed at a contest to find Britian's fattest man (how very non-PC!!). Mighty George Macaree looks rather startled; I wonder what Fiona was doing with her right hand........?

Whilst trying to find out what else she had got up to in recent years, I came across her in the excellent BBC series The Car's the Star, where she was interviewed in the programme featuring the Jaguar E-Type in 1997. In the 1970s clip she is driving FU 2, not now on the DVLA database, though has probably since been re-registered, whilst JCT 1N is still on the road in 2012 (Unless they are the same car, of course.........)

RH&DR Guide

A splendid little guide to the equally splendid little Romney, Hythe & Dymchurch Railway, a favourite line of 'Dunstabelle' and I. This was published by Ian Allan in 1947, the scraperboard cover illustration being, I suspect, by A N Wolstenholme, whose work graced other Ian Allan titles of the period. I bought it in a secondhand bookshop in Bath about ten years ago for just 70p, a bargain even then!

Frankie & Benny

Twenty years ago, in April 1992, British comedy lost both Frankie Howerd and Benny Hill. Although they died on consecutive days, 19/20th, Benny was not found until two days later, such was the reclusive life that he was leading by then. Although they were very different in their approach to comedy, Howerd's more hesitant delivery contrasting to Hill's more slick and saucy style, both learned their trade in the West End, radio and then film and television. Benny Hill was also a singer, with a number of  comedy records to his name

By the 1980s, The Benny Hill Show was suffering falling ratings and was becoming increasingly more expensive to make and changing attitudes saw much criticism of the perceived sexism in his comedy. The cancellation of his Thames series in 1989 appeared to be the beginning of the end for him.

Frankie Howerd however, was making something of a comeback during his later years, touring with his one-man show and becoming an unlikely hit with university audiences. I personally love the work of both, Up Pompeii in particular for Howerd, with his little asides to the audience and Benny Hill was probably at his best in the 1970s; trawling through DVDs of The Benny Hill Show for this period has been a delight. Despite the bashing he got in this country in his later years, he remained popular abroad; I have a Hungarian DVD featuring mainly his slapstick routines, brought back by my son off holiday a few years ago. May they both rest in peace and their influence live on.

Frankie Howerd (1917-1992)

The Ladykillers (1955)
With Katie Johnson

The Fast Lady (1962)

The Great St Trinian's Train Robbery (1966)
With Reg Varney and others

Carry On Doctor (1967)
With Anita Harris, Hattie Jacques and June Jago

Up Pompeii (1971)

Up The Front (1975)
From Star Turns, by Barry Took

Benny Hill (1924-1992)

An early publicity shot
From Star Turns, by Barry Took

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
With Dick Van Dyke and Sally Ann Howes

The Italian Job (1969)

Benny Hill sings Ernie (1971)

The Benny Hill Show (1976)
With Henry McGee

The Benny Hill Show (1976)
With Jack Wright and Jenny Lee Wright

The Benny Hill Show (1976)
With Moira Foot

San Ferry Ann

San Ferry Ann is a short (55 minute) British silent film made in 1965, involving a motley collection of holidaymakers let loose on an unsuspecting Calais for the weekend. Amongst the crew are Mum (Joan Sims), dad (David Lodge), grandma (Lynne Carol - Martha Longhurst in Coronation Street) and grandad (Wilfred Brambell), who arrive in a Bedford CA caravan, whilst a pair of lovers, off for a romantic sojourn, are played by Rodney Bewes (by this time a Likely Lad) and Catherine Feller, pitching up in and old MG and never leaving the hotel. Two hitchhikers are wiggling Barbara Windsor and accident-prone Ronnie Stevens, who had played the drunk in Carry on Cruising three years previously. Other well-known faces to turn up include Warren Mitchell as a waiter, Fred Emney as a Frenchman with a comedy plaster-cast on this foot, Hugh Paddick, Ron Moody and the marvelous Graham Stark as a bemused Gendarme.

Plenty of stereotypical behaviour ensues; mum and dad get drunk, they can't read the signs nor speak the language, and are 'embarrassed Brits abroad' on the beach, whilst Ron Moody, as a former German soldier, forms an unlikely friendship with ex-Tommy Wilfred Brambell. Oh, and yes, there is an onion-seller in a beret on a bike and a smattering of sexy french girls, one of whom 'entices' Wilfred Brambell into her little war museum, very much under false pretences.......

At the very end of the film, we see our hitchhikers heading home to blighty. Barbara Windsor uses her obvious charms to thumb a lift in a passing Peugeot 404 (leaving her companion behind a hedge having a wee). He has the last laugh however, cadging a lift with a pretty girl in an MGB, passing the Peugeot with it's bonnet up.

Not a bad little film, perhaps a little long, but plenty of smiles along the way, if not many actual laugh-out-loud moments. There is much for the car enthusiast to savour, lots of French classics, not to mention the array of British motors that frequently crop up, and of course the British comic actors featured are always good value. My copy came as a triple DVD pack along with Simon Simon and A Home of your Own, both of which I will review in due course, all for £4.99 at our local branch of Works.