No Sex Please: We're British

The farce, No Sex Please: We're British, opened in the West End in 1971, the film version appearing two years later. Although a lot of changes were made to the screen version, the basic story remained the same. Ronnie Corbett plays Brian Runnicles, a clerk at Barclays Bank, who mistakenly receives a delivery of pornography which was supposed to have been made to a nearby sex shop, rather than the expected new calculator. The parcel is opened upstairs in the flat above the bank, where the assistant bank manager, David Hunter (Ian Ogilvy) lives with his new wife Penny, (Susan Penhaligon). The rest of the film is taken up with the trio trying to get rid of this, and subsequent packages, in ever more ludicrous ways, whilst trying to avoid the bank manager himself, Arthur Lowe, and David's mother (Beryl Reid), both anti-smut campaigners. The films ends with a chase sequence featuring a nice collection of British motors tearing around Windsor in pursuit of the final box of magazines,carried by Brian on the back of Cheryl Hall's scooter.

The opening scenes sees Brian power-walking through Windsor on his way to the bank, negotiating lots of  contemporary traffic; that Volga estate is a rarity! 

A pre-Confessions Robin Asquith gets a sticky cameo

Barclays Bank, High Street, Windsor; it's odd that it wasn't renamed for the film, I bet they have a few  jokers through the door afterwards "Psst! want any porn?!"

Hello Brian, want a look in my in-tray?

The first consignment of porn is discovered.

Brian Wilde (of Porridge) confronts Brian in the park.

Guess what, you can'y get rid of mucky films down the waste disposal!

Brian tries to return a box of 'blue films' to the sex shop, one with apparently hardly any stock except for a few old copies of Parade magazine.

1001 Perversions; Susan Penhaligon looks suitably appalled.

Michael Bates played an accounts inspector, receiving the attentions of Margaret Nolan (left) and Valerie Leon 

Now it's Brian's turn.

In the 1970s, it was compulsory for TV crooks to drive old white Jags.........

A good old British car chase; Ian Ogilvy rides shotgun in the moggie

The chase is over and what is in the box? An enormous calculator.......

Although this is a moderately entertaining little film, with a fine roll-call of contemporary comic actors and a number of neat little set-pieces, there are times when you just wish they would dump the porn in someone's bin and be done with it, rather than try to bury it, throw it in the river or feed it down the waste disposal system! Forty years on, the whole premise does seem a little outdated and as a sex comedy, there is little to upset grandma, this being only a PG certificate. High points are the cars and the street scenes of Windsor, not to mention Valerie Leon and Margaret Nolan as a couple of call-girls and the rather lovely Cheryl Hall, one of the bank assistants who has taken a shine to our Brian. Available on DVD at the usual outlets................